Erin's Survival Guide for Living at NEST
by Pinky-the-Assassin
Summary: Rewrite! Congratulations! You have been chosen to come live at the N.E.S.T. Base! The following guide will keep you from being squashed, blasted, hit by a wrench, arrested or grounded if you are one of our younger recruits. Thank you and good luck, you're going to need it.
1. Rules 1-5

Pinky-the-Assassin does not own Transformers

Congratulations! You have been chosen to come live at the N.E.S.T base! The following guide will keep you from being squashed, blasted, hit by a wrench, arrested, or grounded if you are one of our younger recruits. Thank you and good luck, you're going to need it.

Rules and guidelines by Erin Jones

Enforced by Prowl

Rule 1

When called in for a check up, do not attempt to hide

(Ratchet gets really angry when he has to go find you for a check up)

(And will have a wrench ready when he finds you)

(Trust me)

(I'm the master at this and if I can be found,)

(So can you)

Rule 2

The following reasons are not good excuses to miss a meeting

(There was a meeting?) (Summer, me)

(BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!) (Jazz and me, again)

(My fortune teller advise against it) (Really, Sam. That is a pretty lame excuse)

(I don't attend meeting on days ending with y) (Sunstreaker)

(I was teaching my parrot to sing "Someone Like You" by Adele) (I'm still wondering where Jazz got that parrot)

(I didn't feel like it.) (Me, Summer)

(We were attacked by flying rainbow monkeys) (Sideswipe that was a weak attempt)

Rule 3

Don't call Prowl gay repeatedly.

(Sam, Summer, me)

(As much fun it is to see Prowl glitch,)

(The Autobots kinda need their SIC)

Rule 4

Don't ask Wheeljack to build you anything.

(It may seem very cool at first,)

(but it will most likely end up blowing up in your face)

(The flamethrower that he gave me is prime example of that)

Rule 5

Don't watch horror movies with Bumblebee or me in the room

(I may be tough about most things)

(but, I'm a wimp when it comes to horror movies)

(So when everyone else watched The Ring)

(Bumblebee and me were clinging to each other)

(Afterwards we were too scared to sleep in our own rooms)

(so we slept in Optimus' room)

(No monster would think of crossing him)


	2. Rules 6-10

Pinky-The-Assassin does not own transformers no matter how much she wants to.

Rules and Guidelines by Erin Jones

Enforced by Prowl

**Rule 6**

**Do not steal the following things if you want to live to old age**.

-Ironhide's cannon(That's a no brainer)

-Ratchet's wrenches(That is just asking for it)

-Jazz's music collection(He's scary when he is angry)

-Summer's books (She is such a bookworm)

(And finally)

-My Dr. Pepper (IT'S MINE, I TELL YOU! MINE)

**Rule 7**

**Quoting Madagascar is not appreciated **

-Here come the people, Summer! Oh, I love the people! Its fun people, fun time!

(Me when important government people came to visit)

(I should've known something was up when the twins gave me all that candy.)

-(whispers) It's the man!

(Jazz when we were caught by Prowl in the middle of a prank)

-Don't you shush me!

-AHHHHH! Nature! It's all over me! Get it off!

(Red Alert, you never fail to entertain me.)

-The Decepticons. They are always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off.

(Sideswipe explaining the Decepticons to the new recruits)

**Rule 8**

**Do not put Galloway in a box and try ship him to China**

(Galloway was getting in everybody's nerve,)

(as usual)

(So Jazz and me thought of a way to get rid of him without causing him any harm)

(Ship him to China and let him be their problem)

(We got a human sized shipping box and a whole lot of those packaging peanuts and waited for our prey)

(As soon as he appeared, we pounced)

(We shoved Galloway in the box, poured in the packaging peanuts and taped the box shut)

(Jazz and I were on our way to mail him when Optimus caught us)

(Lets just say that we got a lecture on why we shouldn't mail and brig time.)

(Brig sweet brig)

**Rule 9**

**Hide all sweets from Ratchet**

(If he finds you with any he will confiscate it)

(Like the grouchy old mech he is)

(Clang!)

Rule 10

Whipped cream for is for strictly for eating

(And not to be used to look like someone has rabies)

(but it was funny watching Leo get carted off by Ratchet)


	3. Rules 11-15

Pinky-The-Assassin does not own Transformers no matter how much she wants to

Rules and Guidelines by Erin Jones

Enforced by Prowl

**Rule 11**

**Tasers are not toys**

(It all started when I caught Leo drinking my Dr. Pepper)

(Lets just say I was pretty angry)

(so I went out and bought the most frightening taser I could find)

(When I came back, I immediately went to find Leo)

(He passed out as soon as I showed him the taser)

(That will teach him to not drink my Dr. Pepper)

**Rule 12**

**Quoting Over the Hedge is not appreciated**

**-**That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG; a.k.a, the chip, nacho cheese flavor.

(Thanks for the lesson, Ratchet)

-Get real, Sam, 'cause when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag.

(Never ask me for advice Sam)

-Arrrgh! Not again! Those things are so lifelike! Curse you, plastic moldsmen!

(Ironhide after shooting my plastic dog bobblehead)

(I think he was getting back at me for painting him with rainbow sparkles)

-Mother, is that you? Beckoning me into the light? Must…move…toward… light!

(Jazz, it was just a scratch. You're not going to die.)

-I thought we' be dead by step two, so this is going great.

(I love using this quote when we're out in battle)

-I'm a crazy, rabid squirrel! I want my cookies!

(This got Summer a one way trip to the medbay for a sanity test)

**Rule 13**

**Optimus is not a jungle gym.**

(I couldn't resist)

(I was just so bored)

(And I was stuck in Optimus' office for the day)

(So to kill my boredom, I started climbing Optimus to see if I could get to the top of his helm)

(And ended up falling off)

(Good thing Optimus caught me before I could get hurt)

**Rule 14 **

**The Following songs are banned**

-I'm a Gummy bear

-Baby by Justin Bieber

-Peanut Butter, Jelly Time

-The Dance of the Cucumber

-The Fox Song(What does the fox say)

**Rule 15**

**If you give Annabelle candy, she's your problem**

(And you will have a very angry Ironhide after you)


End file.
